


Re-Purr-Nt

by Polkadotdotdot



Category: Far Cry 5
Genre: Eden the Cat, F/M, Fluff, John is a cat person, Rom-com, it's confirmed
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-01
Updated: 2020-07-01
Packaged: 2021-03-05 00:34:16
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,493
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25015531
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Polkadotdotdot/pseuds/Polkadotdotdot
Summary: Being The Baptist of Hope County is a busy job and John doesn't have time for pets.Someone should tell 'Eden' that...
Relationships: Female Deputy | Judge/John Seed
Kudos: 34
Collections: Far Cry Fanzine 2020





	Re-Purr-Nt

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you so much to Chloe and her hard work on the fanzine!

“Allow these pure waters to cleanse you. Let it wash over your soul so that we may confess our sins and be free of its burden!”

The lake water lapped around his knees, soaking through his jeans and boots to his skin creating an uncomfortable friction. Nevertheless, John maintained his composure, delivering his words with all the conviction that Eden’s Gate expected of their Baptist. The word of Joseph in his hand, he pressed his thumb to the foreheads of the dazed sinners. Their eyes were like saucers, the bliss in the water clearly doing its job.

They were led back to the lakeshore. “Take them to my bunker. I will let them rest and will hear their confession tomorrow.”

Really there was no reason he couldn’t have continued on this afternoon. He didn’t have any set plans or urgent tasks, but the prospect of staying in wet jeans didn’t thrill him. If he went home, he could change his clothes and grab a peaceful coffee. It was a win all round.

The sun was beating down on the Montana countryside. He pulled his glasses from his head, passing his bible to a follower before making his way to his SUV. Yes, peace was exactly what he craved for his afternoon.

The drive back to his ranch wasn’t a long one, but it was plagued with a strange squeaking sound he couldn’t put his finger on. When the car finally stopped and his door was opened, he stepped out, looking the vehicle up and down.

“You might want to check this one over. It was...squeaking.” He frowned. His driver nodded seriously, promising that the car would be given a full service, “And tell the others I don’t want to be disturbed this afternoon unless it’s an emergency.”

Perhaps he’d have a hot bath. The damp denim up to his knees had turned ice cold. A hazard of the role that he hadn’t anticipated. He’d take it to his grave that the real reason he waited to get into the water was because of the silent pep talk it took to let himself ruin perfectly good designer jeans and be cold while doing it.

The front door swinging shut behind him left nothing but the peaceful silence of his home. Only it  _ wasn’t _ silent. The same squeaking from before had followed him. John scowled, his eyes scanning the room while he tried to zero in on the noise. It sounded like it was right next to him. Looking down, dust now clinging to his drenched legs, he blinked at the sight. 

Between his feet was a kitten. 

It stared up at him with huge yellow eyes before it opened its mouth again. The sound was hardly offensive, but not as ferocious as the little animal clearly wanted it to be. John bent down to scoop it up in his hand.

“Where did you come from?” he asked. 

It was tiny. There was no way it could have been older than 10 weeks if it was a day. The animal hung limp in his hand, black stripes painting silver grey fur that was accented with four white paws and a pink nose. John frowned.

“Well, doesn’t matter,” He shrugged, “This isn't a house for pets. Time to go!”

He put the kitten on the ground again, opening the front door. “Go on then…” he gestured. The kitten looked up at him, completely ignoring the open door, yelling it’s response. “Shoo!”

Using his foot, he gently nudged the animal out onto his porch. It dug it’s paws in, reluctant to move but there was only so much it could do against a human man’s foot. He closed the door and could see it glaring indignantly at him through the glass.

Turning with a satisfied smile, John proceeded up to his suite, intent on stewing in some hot water until he could feel his toes again.

00000

An hour later, warmed and refreshed, John sauntered down the stairs. The crackling of the warm fire filled the room but from outside, he heard the same noise that had haunted him all the way home.

He approached the door. The kitten was still sitting there in the waning light, wailing its displeasure about being cast out. John snorted. He was never going to get any peace with that animal squealing. 

“Will you shut up!” He hissed, opening the door and grabbing the kitten, “Do you want to get eaten by a cougar? Because that’s how you get eaten by a cougar!”

John had never been one for pets. His birth parents had never allowed them to have one and his adoptive parents had always believed that keeping animals in the home was a direct path to Satan. How they worked that out, he didn’t know. He hadn’t wanted to ask for that particular lecture.

He put the kitten down on the floor, watched with mild annoyance as it toddled on unsteady legs towards the sofa, climbing on the leather using its claws until it reached the cushions.

“Oh for fuck sake, my furniture!”

John sat down, scowling at the happy kitten while he tried to work out what he was going to do with it. His first instinct had been to cast it out into the woods and let it be a snack for some larger predator. Or maybe he could drown it? Something constricted in his ribs as the animal climbed onto his lap. John lay back, the kitten continuing it’s expedition up onto his chest and pawing at his key.

He supposed it  _ was _ kind of cute. If you were into pets. Carefully, he stroked it’s velvety fur. “You’re less awful than a lot of people.” he concluded, deciding that murdering the little creature would not be on the agenda.

“You’ll need a name.” he said, the kitten mewling in response. The sound brought a smile to John’s face as it nuzzled against his beard, “What about...Eden?”

The kitten continued to paw at his chest, a tiny needle-like claw catching his skin. “Ouch! Should have called you Judus instead!” he frowned, but it was hard to stay angry when the baby animal began licking his nose. He sighed, holding Eden in his arms as it yawned, John standing to pace the room thoughtfully.

So he owned a cat now. How did one look after a cat? What did it eat? Could he take it for walks or was that just what crazy people did. He grabbed the radio from his living room table. There was only one person he could trust with this information.

“Deputy?”

00000

“You know when you told me you had a surprise for me I never in a million years would have guessed  _ this _ !”

Deputy Rhiannon Jackson, known to everyone as Rey, stood next to John in his living room, staring down at the kitten sleeping soundly on his expensive leather sofa. 

“What? I told you I had a cat?” He shrugged, pointing to the animal. “See? Cat.”

“I thought it was just some kind of weird code you were using!” Rey exclaimed, “I never took you for a pet guy.”

“I’m not.” John snorted, wandering over to pick Eden up, “It just kind of...appeared and I didn’t have the heart to get rid of it.”

Rey joined him, kicking her boots off to curl her legs under her on the leather. She reached out, stroking Eden’s silky soft fur. “That is precious. The feared John Seed, Baptist of Eden’s Gate, has got himself a kitten!” she giggled.

“It’s not  _ that _ funny!” he grumbled. Eden had begun rubbing its face into his beard, Rey’s smile only growing wider.

“Come on, it’s a little funny.” she laughed, “But if I had to choose, you definitely seem more of a cat guy than a dog guy.”

John squeezed Eden closer to him. “How do you figure?” he asked defensively.

“I don’t know, you’ve just got that...Bond villain thing going on.” she shrugged, “Lawyers seem to like cats. They’re aloof, kinda snobby.”

“Are you saying  _ I’m _ kind of snobby?” 

Rey nodded. “Absolutely.” she confirmed, her smile telling him that she didn’t actually mean it with malice. Eden began to cry, indignant meows breaking their conversation.

“Have you fed her? Is it a her?”

“What do they eat?” John asked, “That’s kind of why I asked you here.”

Rey paused. “Wait, you actually asked me here to help you take care of a kitten?” she spluttered, “I...but...I thought-”

Her vexed, confused stuttering was cut short, Rey caught completely off guard when he swooped forward to kiss her. She froze for only a moment, sagging against him and savoring the softness of his lips until he pulled away.

“That was remarkably sweet.” She commented. 

John touched his forehead to hers. “I have my moments...but it was the fastest way to stop you talking.”

Rey shoved him back, rolling her eyes. 

“Asshole.”


End file.
